I do feel like I'm rather contrary sometimes. I love being social, seeing friends and family, having new experiences, learning new things, planning trips and time away. However if I find myself with too full a diary, and little time just to 'be', I start yearning for time on my own. Of course if I'm on my own too much, I start feeling discombobulated, even though I'm someone who is happy with their own company. I guess, as with all things in life, it's about striking a balance.
I know in the past, I've felt lazy just because I don't spend the whole weekend cleaning or ticking things off a list, as I've compared myself to other people far too much. Of course, there are things we have to do, and chores need to be done and I'm the first person to love writing lists. But as I spend almost forty hours a week at work, and I spend a lot of time helping at the local church, I do figure that I need to do things that I enjoy as well.
I've become aware that in order to feel content and at ease, my life has to include art and crafts. Whilst in an anxious state last weekend, feeling emotionally overwhelmed by life, I got out my paints and spent less than an hour painting a small still life. It won't win any prizes, but I was pleased with it, and most importantly I felt calm and happy after having painted it.
I know in the past, I've felt lazy just because I don't spend the whole weekend cleaning or ticking things off a list, as I've compared myself to other people far too much. Of course, there are things we have to do, and chores need to be done and I'm the first person to love writing lists. But as I spend almost forty hours a week at work, and I spend a lot of time helping at the local church, I do figure that I need to do things that I enjoy as well.
I've become aware that in order to feel content and at ease, my life has to include art and crafts. Whilst in an anxious state last weekend, feeling emotionally overwhelmed by life, I got out my paints and spent less than an hour painting a small still life. It won't win any prizes, but I was pleased with it, and most importantly I felt calm and happy after having painted it.
I know I have some talent with art, although I'm very aware of things I need to improve. Luckily I don't have any pointless destructive self pity or anger when things go wrong. I don't mind not being perfect, and if something is utterly beyond redemption, I will just throw it away or paint over it. I am more likely to try and improve or try something different, and can't remember ever having a fit of anger about art.
Having some form of creativity can make all the difference between just existing in the world and doing something in life for the sheer joy of it. Whatever sanity I still have is mostly due to having a way of expressing that creativity.
“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder
how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape
the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a
human situation.”
Graham Greene
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