The power of many

I have never been someone who has a large close group of long standing friends, I'm not even in touch with people I knew at school.  That used to really concern me, especially as the years pass and some friends fade away and disappear completely.  As I get older however I'm more aware that some friends are there for the long haul and others come into your life at specific points, and then move on.  I've often been very hurt when people who were once a close friend just stop making an effort.  It didn't help that in my 20s and 30s most of the friends I made were male, and as they moved into marriage and kids, often their wives weren't overly keen on them having close female friends.  I can understand that far better now, as whilst I would never run off with someone else's husband, there are plenty of women out there who don't have such qualms.

The last two years have been challenging.  But one of the positives I've taken from it is truly knowing who my friends are.   I did 'lose' a couple who probably couldn't cope with the idea of dealing with me as a single unit, maybe thinking I was tainted or unnatural unless I was part of a couple.  However the majority of people, from my oldest friends through to new acquaintances have been wonderful.  When I was my lowest, the actions of some of my friends made life feel so much better:-

• The old friend who doesn't often get in touch who as soon as she had heard my woes, walked to my house one evening and knocked on the door just to give me a hug.  She isn't a particularly huggy person and she suffers from anxiety so found it quite difficult to do.
• The really busy friend who lives miles away who called me every Thursday just to chat and make sure I was okay.
• The friend who called me every Saturday just because I said that I found that day the most difficult.  The same friend who was utterly honest if I was allowing the situation to make me negative and mean spirited 
• The elderly friend who was in hospital after having heard I was struggling, asked a mutual friend to pass on a big hug.
• The friend who was going through a lot of health and emotional issues herself but would always sit and chat with me and invited me out more often when I was vunerable.
• The friend who even now asks after me every week even through she has gone through awful times in the last two years.

Friendship is such an underappreciated blessing; the world seems to only understand lives formed of a couple.  But it is friendship not romance that makes school bearable, that makes work far more interesting, that gets us through life.  Friendship is the glue that holds us all together, that creates community, that makes us better people.

“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together.”
― Jon Katz